September 30, 2010

♥ our story [part 4]

hiking 2009

To back up a bit, I had been with the boyfriend I was with since the last half of my senior year of high school. He was my first boyfriend, considerably older than me, and I don't know... I knew I needed to branch out. We'd taken a break over the summer and had only just gotten back together right before I'd left for school again, and honestly, my heart wasn't 100% "in it" anymore, but it'd been scary to give up on the only thing I'd really known until then. 


Alas, in true, 19-year-old form, I knew that I would be seeing Vince that night, and I knew I didn't want to regret anything- but also knew I didn't want to keep pulling the "well...I have a boyfriend...so we'll just pretend I just see you as a friend" bit.... and I broke up with boyfriend via text message. Harsh, but the truth of the matter was that I couldn't be what he needed and I needed to experience another aspect of being in college. If I could take back how I handled that, I definitely would have been a bit more...mature. Or at least would have CALLED. But I can't take that back. 
♥  ♥ 

That afternoon, I don't know which of us had suggested watching Wedding Crashers (because that seemed "cool"), but Kayla and I went to Wal Mart so I could buy the dvd (because I'd pretended that I already owned itas if that would have solidified my "worth hanging out with" status). We walked across campus that evening to hang out at Justin's dorm until our scheduled "hang out time", and together they walked me back across campus to meet Vince outside my dorm, yet again, instructed to send out search and rescue if necessary. We go up to my room, watch the movie and talk the whole time- about what, I have no idea, but I REALLY wish I'd payed more attention and actually remember more of this night. Hours pass after our movie has gone off, and some awful infomercial for a 70's top hits CD is playing over and over again in the background. We've scooted closer and closer all night (seeing as how in a dorm, your couch is your bed), but I know he's not crossing any lines because he knows I have a boyfriend. 

I am anxiously sitting with my back against my wall and my feet hanging off the bed, and he sits propped up across my lap facing me while we talk.....and then comes that moment of "Wow.... We're like, really close together. Are we...too close together? No really, our faces are like, REALLY close. Do I have gum? What did I eat today?"  To continue the theme of being so smooth when it counts, I clear my throat and say, "...You know.. I uh... broke up...with uh...the boyfriend...today. So I'm uh. Like. ..Single. Like, now. And stuff." I can tell that it's registered what I've tried to oh so romantically suggest, and he leans in the slightest bit closer. My eyes have crossed we're so close. And then I see the corner of his mouth twitch- whether from nervousness, apprehension, or as one of the teasing half-smirks he wears so often that I wasn't yet accustomed to, i don't know- but that was the last thing I saw before he kissed me. 
And it was  p e r f e c t

We stayed up that whole night talking and sometime before sunrise, running low on conversation, we layed down- his arm around me, my head on his shoulder, and my arm across his chest, and was thankful for the sun not being awake yet, because my eyes literally teared up. The only sentence that I could hear in my head was "Wow...this is what this is supposed to feel like..." 

1 comment:

Thanks for reading. Love to hear your thoughts.